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I NEARLY LOST YOU
coverage
by Roadmap Writers
"I NEARLY LOST YOU offers a fresh, female-driven take on a classic science fiction time travel trope. The script supplies a small cast of well-rounded, tightly written characters. The writer's strong voice is clear from the first page: the action and dialogue have a poetic rhythm. The structure is successfully suggestive of an Edgar Wright-esque film style.
Premise
The premise is an original spin on a genre-favorite trope.
Characters
This script offers two well-written female protagonists. Rachel and Ann discover and pursue their desires within the plot. They experience complete arcs. Their struggles are clearly identifiable: Rachel, who grew up with nothing, wants a traditional middle-class life while Ann, who grew up with everything, detests the monotonous rat race and yearns for simplicity and self-expression. They complement each other nicely. Ann and Rachel will likely be accessible, relatable characters to a wide age range.
Dialogue
The dialogue is succinct and snappy. It elevates the script and propels the story forward. Better than realistic, it fits the world. The snappy dialogue sets the rhythm of the script, and that rhythm makes this a smooth script. The rhythm is reminiscent of an Edgar Wright film. Every character has a distinct voice.
Story
The story is compelling because it's grounded in a compelling and complex mother/daughter relationship. The story is meaningful because it explores several themes related to feminism, coming-of-age as a young adult, and envy of the unknown. Overall, the story maintained consistent internal logic and each event had a logical role in advancing the story.
Structure
The story structure is clearly visible and correct. The time vortex revealed on page 23 is perfectly timed. The pacing is fast, but a clear stylistic choice.
Voice
The author has a strong and unique voice. Their voice is poetic and coolly aloof in a way that perfectly conveys the tone and visual style of the piece. The writing is alive and demonstrates mastery of visual language. The visuals on [page 113] are especially good.
Summary
I NEARLY LOST YOU is a fun, high-energy time travel tale of a mother and daughter repairing their relationship by repairing themselves. It delivers strong female characters, quick dialogue, and a solid story. The author's voice is unique and memorable. The story's heart is Rachel and Ann's relationship, so illustrate it in the logline to better market this excellent script."
GRADE: "Recommend"
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I NEARLY LOST YOU is a grounded sci-fi dramedy feature with music overlay. It’s a fresh take on time travel with emotional themes of relationships and family dynamics. Tonal comps could be LADY BIRD (2017) and ABOUT TIME (2013).
WRITER'S NOTE: I wrote this to explore my own tragic past from a broken home, raised in a musical family, and with memories of a freer time and the passionate music of the 1990s. I asked myself, “Why am I always staring at these little electronic devices?”
“73% of Gen-Z report feeling alone…It’s a strange paradox, Gen-Z are hyperconnected in the virtual world but socially disconnected…digital interactions have failed to replace the need to connect on an emotional level in the physical world.” -Forbes (7/28/23)
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AUDIENCE: Young women and men (18-34), but also the chance to revisit the nostalgia of the 1990s will attract those who were young adults at that time (women and men 34-54+).
PREMISE: A young mother travels to the future to find the daughter she gave up for adoption. Both the same age and with opposite lives, they help each other discover joy, self-worth and the passion to live, but reconciliation may come at too high of a price.
THE LEAD CHARACTERS are Ann and Rachel. Ann is of the present, hobbled with loneliness, anxiety and existential dread. She grew up in a wealthy home with the best education and precise professional life plan. Rachel is from the 1990s. She had a traumatic childhood and lives by her street sense, taking nothing for granted.
STORY SUMMARY: It’s 1990s California. Rachel’s big weakness is music. Pregnant after a fateful one-night stand with a grunge metal guitarist named Frock who has a similarly troubled past, Rachel decides the best thing to do is to give up their new baby daughter for adoption. Deeply regretting her decision, when Rachel encounters Bill, a mysterious young man who has discovered a time vortex in the ladies room of a raucous live music venue called The Electric Banana, she takes a big chance on a trip to the future with only a few days to find her daughter. Rachel enters the future in what is now no longer The Electric Banana but a subdued wired venue called Shadows, and meets the suicidal Ann, who just quit her stressful career as a young attorney. In a dramatic and deeply emotional turn, Rachel reveals to Ann that she is, in fact, her daughter (Samantha Ann).
Against Bill's plan, Ann travels back in time with Rachel and is changed forever. Ann goes on a partying spree, experiencing the highs and lows, until things get too wild one night at Lollapalooza where she goes to see her birth father Frock for the first time, appearing with his now-trending band Shift. Frock and Ann’s connection also reignites Frock and Rachel when Frock comes back home to continue his daughter's guitar lessons. Finally finding her life’s passion and happiness that she never felt before, Ann is confronted by Bill, who insists she must return to her life in the future. Bill reveals he is Rachel and Frock's second child, who was born when they eventually reunited at a later time. He is sure that if Ann remains in the past reunited with her birth parents, they won’t have another child.
Ann must decide to give up her newfound bliss and lease on life in order to save a brother she never knew, dying there before her eyes. Deeply distraught about returning to her former life back in the future, her decision becomes more urgent when she has reason to suspect she may have lost her adoptive parents, whom she misses and truly loves. Ann revisits the ladies room time portal, but this time there’s a problem. Ann has stayed too long in the past to go back forward. But when everyone in the family comes together: sister, brother, mother and father, they come up with a plan for Ann with a spectacular musical spectral time shift from the rickety roof of The Electric Banana.
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COMMENTARY: "I really appreciated how naturalistic and pained their frayed connection ends up being. There is a melancholy and specificity that really sets this story apart from other time travel comedies/dramedies… It’s a time-travel comedy with loads of heart. It has a 1990s nostalgic bent that feels like it has yet to be fully exhausted by most nostalgia movies. The blueprint of this script feels like a can't-miss." GRADE: “Recommend” (Roadmap Writers coverage)
Tom Demar is an L.A.-based writer, filmmaker, composer, actor from Pittsburgh and NYC. tom-demar.com
